Secuuuuuuuuuuuuurity!

Okay...We boarded our plane in Providence, RI and we had all our snacks, goodies, reading materials and neck pillow because this would be a 10-hour flight!  Hey what can I say? $240 roundtrip...you get what you pay for!!! Now, the flight went from Providence to Chicago, then to Phoenix, then to Ontario, then to Sacramento.  We stayed on the same plane for the whole trip which was the only advantage...Once again we were running a little behind so although we all got to sit together, we were on the back of the plane.  When we made it to Chicago-Midway, we moved our seats to the front.  The flight attendants from Providence-Chicago-Phoenix were very nice and put up with our loud and sometimes obnoxious behavior. We weren't offending anyone just laughing and having a good ol' time. At every stop there was a new crew that would board the plane and they immediately noticed us because we were having a good time!  Once we got to Ontario, that's when it hit the fan!  There's this flight attendant and he's making his rounds up & down the aisle and he comes to us and he says, "I'm going to need you to raise you seat up for take off."  I say, "Not me, that's her." referring to Waseme.  Nicky says, "I tooold her!" The flight attendant then says, "You all are going to have to knock it off!"  WTH?! He continues, "You would think in this day and age you wouldn't joke around like that!?" Whaaaaaaat?!? So, while Nicky is still playing with this man, Waseme advises Nicky that he is not playing!  Whaaaaaaaaaat??  This dude acts like we sayin' bomb-bomb-bomb-ba-bomb-bomb-bomb! Or, let me call Al Qaida and see what Osama Bin Laden is doing!?!?  GTHOH!!!  So, now I'm pissed!  He then goes on to say, "You guys are disrupting other passengers and I have no problem having the authorities meet us at Ontario to escort you off the aircraft!"  Whaaaaaaaaaat!?? People!! Why does the officer of the law always follow me? I don't start nothin' wit' nobody!  I am already on parole (LOL) and I cain't afford this negative press.  The paparazzi will be all over this (LOL)!!!! So, we let him leave with his panties in a bunch and we began to let him have it!  We were so offended, embarrassed and we felt like we were racially profiled.  Now, these 2 other younger ladies were looking with their mouths wide open.  They could not believe what the flight attendant had just done!  She made comments that he's just miserable and not to worry about it.  We were offended and embarrassed because of the obvious confrontation however, we felt racially profiled because there was a white male a few rows behind us and he was just as loud as we were. So, we began collecting our thoughts and developing a plan of action.  The outrageous part was that we were like, he doesn't even know who he's talking to. Doesn't he know I'm a friggin' celebrity?!  LOL!!! I'm thinkin' we have a Pharmacist, a Registered Nurse, and a Journalist.  I began spewing about how I was going to write a column about the treatment we received from this airline as well as, him individually.  We never quieted down because we didn't care what he said, have the authorities meet us there!  We been on this plane 8 hours by now so, what's the worst that could happen!?  All the while, Kangol Kid (this older lady who was wearing a Kangol hat) was sitting in the row in front of us.  Don't you hate when you know someone is a sneaky li'l tattle-tell!? So as she was listening to our every word, we didn't care because we were speaking the truth.  We continued on to Ontario and the crew never got out of their seats.  They didn't even offer the passengers a cup of water..Wow!!!!!  Are we that intimidating?!  Nonetheless, we arrived in Ontario, and as the passengers were disembarking, we noticed that Kangol Kid gave her contact information to the flight attendant that insulted us.  We didn't care!!! Good! Give him you information so you can implicate yourself in his web of lies. There never were any authorities coming to escort off the plane because what was he going to say to them?  "Please come get these women off the plane because they are laughing!??!" Yeah, right!  We finally arrived in Sacramento and that was the last leg of our trip!

After Boston, I'm Going! Going! Back 2 Back 2 Cali! Cali!

After the graduation on Sunday....We all get back to the house...Eat some food, drink talk smack & wind down...My Mommy was very tired & we watched the uneventful Lakers vs. Houston blowout then decided on what our next step would be.  So, we decided on driving to Boston to watch this pivotal game 7! Mommy was not happy about this but, we had to go! We a spit away from Boston & it's game 7 against our rivals!  We goin'!  So, Boston from Providence is like Vallejo to Oakland so, no biggie...We select this random sports bar...and we out!  Nicky's wonderful GPS idiot, Ms. Gormin helped us get there! On our journey I find out that my brother drives just as crazy as I, and i vowed not to ever drive to scare my passengers like that anymore, YEAH RIGHT!!! Anyway, he's bobbin' & weavin' & I'm duckin' for cover!  It's friggin' nuts yal!  He drives so fast that he swings past Harvard Business School...We like, Scottie! Make the block we gotta get out & take a picture...I wanna go to Harvard, yea right! LOL! Anyhoo we swing back around & I notice that Scottie has a li'l anxiety like me..He's tellin' us to hurrup & I'm the friggin' photographer so, of course I got jacked on the shots!  Anyhooo we get finish up & I realize why Scottie was hurried...We were on the side of Fenway Park & apparently a game had just let out...So, he's like C'mon..C'mon...So, as we're trying to make our way up da skreet there's this lady in the crosswalk..but, Scottie is trying to hurry & get outta there before there's too much traffic! So, this lady is sashaying in the crosswalk & Scottie is like, on her bumper...She yells in her heavy Boston accent "We're in the crosswalk!?"  He says, "Yeayau, no duh? Have a nice day, beep!" We were like, Scottie!!!  Hahahahhaa! We had to laugh! I guess we really are brother & sister!  So, finally we find the little Irish Pub & of course we're a li'l apprehensive about walking inside because we're in Harvard country, a college community!  Anyway, we walk in and it's hella bright!!!  Bright means all white! So, we ain't trippin'...the President is black...LOL!! We are greeted by a host & seated immediately...This place has a hunnnet TV's with the game on everyone! We go to the restroom to relieve ourselves to get comfortable..So, while we're there the locals kinda look at us with acceptance, that made us feel better..We took a look @ the menu & ordered...I got a BLT, more about that in a minute...So, we're taking pics cuz we want proof that we were in Boston on Game 7...We see this girl seated @ the bar and she has on a bright green Celtics Tee...I (the only person wit big cajones), ask her if she wouldn't mind taking a picture with us...She was a li'l apprehensive, but figured oh well why not!?  We had one of her guy friends take our picture & we were happy!  Once our food came..Picky ol' me showed up! My BLT had more 'T' than 'B' now if you know me then you know that I absolutely love Bacon!!!  I said something to our server, Janice about it and she was like would you like more bacon?! Now, i on't wanna piss off the people that's making my food until i already have my food so, I politely declined the offer for more Bacon...I ain't want them to bring me no Swine Flu!  Now, a li'l while later Janice brings me over a plate of bacon!!!  You can imagine how happy i was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  See!? We began to chit chat with our server, Janice & guess what!?!? This chic is from CA and she moved to Boston, MA for love! Aaaaaaaaaaaw! We were soooo excited & so was she!  She said she was sooo happy to see us cuz people on the East Coast are really 'mean' according to her...As far as the East Coast in me, I'd prefer to say I am 'brutally honest,' so?!?! So it was a fun-filled evening & Boston was losing...YaaaaaaaY!!  Mission accomplished and we had to get outta there cuz i wasn't obvious about not being a Boston Celtics fan! LOL!!!  The ride back to Providence was interesting...So, Waseme had to pee but she didn't want to have Scottie get off da freeway cuz he was road ragin'! She tried her hardest to hold it & Scottie kept asking her did she wanna pee & she kept saying No! Finally, when her bladder was about to bust wide open, she asked him to get off so she could go to a bathrom...We did..Now, getting to the club where my Mother was @ was another obstacle.  Unfortunately, my mother does have an East Coast accent so, she's telling us to take the "Service Ave." exit..We drivin' up & down I-95 & she's tellin' us we're driving too fast and we must be passing it!  So, she's cussin' us up & down & now she's getting on my nerves & I'm about to start cussin' her out!  So, Chet Whitey, Nicky get's on the phone..."Hi Auntie Teri, okay we're on the freeway & I swear we don't see the exit!?!?"  She tells Nicky, "It is!!  She begins spelling...T-H-U-R-B-E-R-S!!!!" Nicky sighs in relief & tells her that we are on our way!  She gets off the phone crackin' da futch up! She makes sure she hung up on Mommy & tells us the real name of the exit..Well, sheeeeeeit! Don't have that accent then!  We hollered!  She was saying Thurbers Ave. exit while, all the time we were hearing Service Ave. exit! Oooooooooooops! Our bad!!!  We get there, boogy on down & Scottie policed my Mommy all night!  It was a fun ol' time...But, she had been drinking & I told yal she's a light weight...We get back to the house & Mommy starts cookin' steak & stuff..and we like, go to bed...Me & the girls were getting our last minute packing on & this was the funniest stuff of the day....My mom had been fighting with me, Waseme & Scottie while Nicky was on the phone so, she's walking back & forth making her steak & arguing with us & that's when it happened..."Nicky, are you all packed?" my Mom asked. Nicky replies, "Yes, Auntie Teri." "Then get the hell out!" my Mommy yelled. Nicky face drained of blood! I'm sure she was appauled but, it was still funny none-the-less!  And that was the end of our night & we headed on back to Cali!  YaaaaaaaaY!

Are there Black people in Rhode Island?!?!

So..as the girls & i scurry to get our last minute stuff from NYC... I get a call from Mommy..."Oh, Boop, Scottie (my bro) bought me a jade bangle & dial (the disc charm around ya neck)!  Oh, Boop! It's sooo pretty!" Now, first, my mother has always had and always loved jade...So, then she says, "And Boop this was purchased in China!"  WTH!?!  This worldly, artistic, every instrument-in-the band playing, fluent in Japanese, Shakesperian, College educated brother of mines don' out did me!  So I say, "Oh good Mom..That is sooo nice!"  As soon as i get off the phone wit her I tell Waseme & Nicky what Mommy just told me...Initially, I wasn't really gettin' nothin' cuz, they ain't have nothin' NEW..I start rantin' & ravin' about how Scottie don' trumped me and how in the heyell am i gonna top that!  All i brought my mom thus far was a bottle of Lolita perfume from Ross & a $20 bottle of Vera Wang Princess that i bought in NYC from a street vendor...Hmmph!  They ain't have nothin' and the reality is...it was my plight to come home wit' $$$ so, i really wasn't tryin' to spend any...LOL!!!  When we arrive back in Providence and we're laughin' and kickin' it wit the family & the surprise of my grandmother...It is then that I notice that somebody don' let my mommy drink...This lady can NOT & does NOT drink..but, hell, she's graduating...let her be..until-she starts messin' wit me!  Now, yal know i have ocd, adhd & a whole bunch of other stuff i don't care to mention...So, Nicky & Waseme told my mommy about how i was stressin' in NY about trumpin' dis fool...She then starts whinning to me about how she didn't raise us like that...and blah blah blah...I'm tryin' to tell her it's friendly competition...He's a mama's boy...& I'm a daddy's girl..who cares!? I'm only kidding!  He on the other hand, goes months @ a time missin' & he about to move to Japan...Now, yal tell me who looks good in the eyes of the parents :) Anyhoo...she trippin' and we're like, no more alcohol for her...and finally we get her settled down and we're all sittin' in the living room..I had already given her the Lolita so, all that drama reminded me of the Princess so, i went in the room grabbed it outta the bag then, brought it to her as this very prestigous gift...I got the attention of my family & as I handed it to her, I said, "Now, Mommy, this ain't from China but, it was made in China!"  LOLOLOL!!!  We all started crackin' up & this lady started to cry....WTH!?!  Mom's is sensitive yal..I got my Daddy's thick skin...Sorry...Once again, we had to tell her that it was just a joke..Daaaaaaang!  Scottie is the Einstein mofo while, I got jokes...I ain't tryna steal his spotlight...well, let me stop lyin' I steals all the spotlight, he's good @ chillin' in the background...LOL!!! The graduation on Sunday was a happy day but, it was friggin' rainin'..This is $400 hair..I cain't get it wet so, I went under the tent & sat in the chairs for the graduates...This Nosey lady decides to step in on this...She says, "Oh, u don't plan on staying there do you?" I said, "Yup!" She says, "Oh, well those seats are for the graduates!?"  I said, "Well then, I'm graduatin' today!" She was sooo HOT!!! I didn't tell her what I really thought of her so, why she gotta be all up in mines...Shoooooot! So, then sis (Waseme) comes to the side of the tent on my row & is trying to hand me something....Here she goes again...(to Waseme)"Ummmm this is for the graduates!" Don't mess wit my family!!!  I told her, "Look! That's my sister, I got this!"  She says, "Oh, you think so, huh!?" Thank you Lord Jesuuuuuuuus for having Scottie there with me!  I scowled at her and said, "I know I do!"  Scottie was like, Okay Boop c'mon c'mon let's go....I was about to give this lady the tomahawk slice, the people's elbow new & improved, slap her into a tuna melt, then cut her knees off with the elastic in the waist of her jeans! I had to goooooo! She's messin' up a nice day for me!  It's all good..She wudn't gon' steal my thunder! Mommy graduated with Honors & we were all cold & wet yet, happy!!  We heard the story of my mom's best friend who kicked her husband out...she said that he tried to come back & when he put his key in the door it bounced back!!!  We died laughin' yal...The rest of the evening we listened to a lot of funny stories..You'd have to have been there to enjoy it but, it was hi-lar-i-ous!!!

New York! New York! Big City of Dreams...

Although our plane arrived in Providence on Thurs, we spent the night, got up went to Marshall's in town & then headed out for the 3-4 hour drive to NYC! Initially when we got to Providence Enterprise we wanted a Charger..Didn't have one...We settled or, Nicky settled on the Convertible Volvo however, by the looks of the weather it looked like it would be for naught. So, Friday we head down to NYC, we are ridin' singin' & havin' fun..The girls made a PisStop & I tried to get the top down..No luck! Nicky comes out, figures it out & we rollin'...I had my dress that I would wear out tonight..I found a cute clutch @ the Marshall's in Providence & I know I can find my shoes @ the Macy's on 34th! We check (Hilton Garden Inn), wonderful staff, we wash up & head out...Our 1st encounter was successful..we got to Macy's, we're looking for a shoe..If you've never been there...Macy's covers a whole block..and not ur residential block...a city block..And, the shoe department covers one flr...so, we lookin'- Nicky sees a girl wit a bad ass shoe on that she knows will go perfect wit my dress...The chic has it on...she's looking at it..Nicky says, "Um!? Are you gettin' that shoe?" The girl is a bit puzzled but, she basically bullies this girl into givin' up that shoe!  Next thing i know she callin' me (metro works in many places) and is like, I got ur shoe right here!  I don't know if this is going to be a good thing...I see the shoe & it's perfect! Greaaaaaaaat! We dump our stuff to the Hotel & take the #2 train to Harlem..I take sis down 125th & she goes to the Apollo theatre & blah blah blah blah...My focus has been and was, that Marshall's on the co'na of 125th & Martin Lutha da Keeeeng! Great...time... we get there!  It's kewl..Find a hot shoe to wear @ the white party & it's too big..I need an 8 1/2..Ironically, I was getting it in silver, my mom got it in bronze earlier that day & Nicky bought it in gold...WTH!?!  I need an 8...No 8! Oh well...look for Sinful...they had like, no Juicy T-shirts & no Sinful T-shirts..They only had like, 1 t-shirt & 1 tank top, I guess it's cuz it's East Coast...I find Sinful here in California when I ain't even lookin'!  Uuugh! Marshall's was a total bust & Sylvia's was Sylvia's! It's just some reg' ol soul food..Nothin' big..We eat...On the way home however, this man was dressed in all newspaper & garbage bags, I guess he was 'green' yal...He was trying to give Waseme a dollar and we know better than to talk to strangers so, we tryin' to ignore him & stay away...Unfortunately, this fool is zeroin' in on Waseme...she does her best to ignore him but, he still throws the dollar on her folded arms and she slung it off of herself and felt dirty...For the rest of our trip, she claimed to be suffering from Hepatitis C, Tuberculosis LOL!!! This dude was nasty!  We tryin' to get home & it's damn near already 1oish cuz we tryin' to leave by 12...good luck! So, we get home, lay down and hurry & get ready...We decided on 40/40..I've had a good time there so, we should be good...Finally after we get there @ 1am..I love New York!!  And we red carpeted..No cover as usual in da city...well, especially there! We grab a drink, get settled & start kickin' it...We gettin' it in yal...It's the business..We ownin' it...As we always do...LOL... and party it up..Get home & nite nite...Anyway, the next morning we had to get up go down to Canal & do that souvenir shoppin'! I was hoping to get me a pair of yellow gold Chanel earrings but, it didn't happen...Anyhoo-we up & at 'em...It's a beast..We went thru all the walls & doors and basements & alleys, and i came up empty handed! Suuuuuucks!  Well, i got some Ed Hardy stuff for me, my God son, my son, Ebony & i got Leilani some 'juicy couture' earrings that she'll lose by summer!  So, all in all we had a SUPER, DUPER HELLUVA time...We go back to the hotel, retrieve our bags...Head back up the road to Providence...Now, on the way there yal, Waseme & Nicky drove & it took us 4 hours...Ha...I practically drove us all the way home, and it took us only 3 hours...Lead foot..The highway patrol don't ever be on the highway...Big mistake! Huge! So, we arrive @ my Mommy's house & as we're coming upstairs (she lives in a multi-family home which if u don't know what that means, she lives on the 3rd flr of a house that is 3 levels of 2 bedroom apartments....Yes! A kitchen & bathroom on every flr...That amazed me & my brother when we were little & visited for the summer) Anyhoo..Waseme is ahead of me and i hear her say "Hi MumMum!"  Now, that's the name of my Grandmother (my Dad's mom) but, it's also what they call my mom now that i have kids...but, the tone of her voice told me otherwise... I thought, is my Grandmother here!!  Sure enough...She was! I jumped up & down & got all excited!!! My mom said my brother was in the room sleep & told Nicky to go wake him up...After hugging my grandmother I turn around & Scottie was standing in the door way!  Hang tight & I'll drop Providence on you next!

Head Game

As many of you may or may not know..I am a stylist, consultant & a life coach..Seeeeee, yal think I jus be around here shoppin' all the time but, I do this for a living.  So, I had my life coach hat on today, I began thinking about my walk thru life at this point and I have concluded that I am a head job! So, anyway, I was explaining to one of my 'clients' why we feel sooooo good in the summer.  No, it's not cuz we don't have rain.  It's not cuz we have longer days, and it's not because you get to wear them skimpy skirts wit a fresh pedicure either! it's because of the Sun. The sun allows the pituitary & the hypothalamus gland to produce a compound called Endorphin!  Now, you're prolly trying to figure out how a 'don't do nothin' stay @ home mama, shop-a-holic, fool has the qualifications to give you this information but it's rather simple.  I did a 5-10 bid in da cookoo hospital, so I know this therapy like the back of my hand. So, I'm speaking to my client & she's somewhat promiscuous...(No worries, no patient confidentiality breach here)Whatever..that's neither here nor there..Anyway, back on task..ADHD takin' over, tryin' to get in on this...Focus!  Now, she's an older woman prolly in her mid 40's and she jus comin' out of a lengthy marriage.  I'm trying to explain to her that at this time in her life, she needs to find her center & jus 'do her!'  Well, folks... easier said than done.. I realize that she is used to having someone around and that being single can be lonely but, it makes no sense to run into the arms of the undeserving one, right!?  So, I'm explainin' to her that she really needs to be careful at this crucial time in her life.  Not because she's vulnerable, not cuz she's lost, not cuz she's healing.  It's cuz it's Summer!  See, you thought you were having fun in the summer because of other reasons when you're having fun in the summer because the sun is always out! You cain't get away from it!  And you want it more and more, that's why we dread when daylight savings times ends! If you notice, you're more likely to be all you can be during those summer months and not just because it's nice out, but because the sun just keeps callin' u! Haven't you ever noticed how many people come outta the wood work in the summer & in the winter months you don't know if these peoplee even still exist?  Men & Women are more likely to cheat during summer months. People are more nice during the summer.  People tend to do more things in the summer & not just because the kids are out of school.  When ur girlfriend calls u at the last minute to have a girls night out, you're more eager to go because of those damn endorphins!  I'm tryin' to tell ya, you are listening to a bon-a-fide, certified head case & i tell no lies....And, rumors are just truths waiting to be told.  I ain't one to gossip so, don't tell 'em u heard it from me!! LOL!!!  I just thought I'd drop dime one time, and hip you to this head game!