Be All You Can Be!!

So, if you're close to my family then you may know that the eldest, Toshay, has been somewhat challenging.  Being the oldest must be hard.  I wouldn't know, I'm the baby!  Anyhoo...she's not a bad child however, she can be stubborn, ungrateful and disrespectful yet, kind, funny, compassionate, witty & wise. She's very intelligent and sweet-----when she wants to be!  Toshay was booted from our home on November 10, 2008.  Ever since, she's been homeless, pillow to post, nah seriously, she's been staying @ my sister Waseme's house!  LOL!  Although she has shelter, heat & food, Toshay has learned the hard way (i've been sayin' her whole life she's the kind that's gonna have to learn her lesson!) that there's "no place like home!"  I've always instilled in her the meaning of an education as well as, identified another avenue to obtain this education-The armed forces...The Air Force, specifically!  She texts me the other day and tells me that she's at the Air Force office @ Solano Mall.  Luckily, Nicky & I are at the gym workin' out.. so, I tell her we'll be over right after our workout and NOT TO SIGN ANYTHING!  We get there and she's already taken her pre-ASVAB test and has done quite well apparently.  We come in the door like gang busters! This poor man can't even finish what he's trying to tell her.  We keep interrupting him and her, we jus down there cuttin' up!  He was entertained while Toshay was embarrassed.  I didn't care tho', this is my baby!  So he gives her the forms she needs and tells her to bring back other documents with her for their appt. on Wed. So Wednesday comes and we're running around before her appt and there was a moment of silence, I said, "Toshay, if i tell you that you can come home and use my car for work and school, then what would you do!?"She replied, "Well, thanks Mom but, the military will help me in the long run, education-wise!"  I said, "Good Toshay, that's the answer i was looking for!"  This told me that she was serious.  I was smiling on the outside BUT crying on the inside. I didn't want to discourage her so I needed to make light of the situation.  I told her, "Toshay, you know you're gonna come back wit half a arm!?"  She laughed, "Mom, don't try to psych me out!"  I said, "I ain't!?  You know you gon' come back wit 1 foot tho' right?!?"  Toshay yelled, "Moooooooooooooooom!" "Toshay!!!!  Guess what tho'? You'll only have to pay half price for a  pedicure!? She busted out laughing... I"m like, "No seriously, the other foot ain't gon' need no cuticle remover and even if you get one of those designer prosthetic feets you would still only need a polish change and you'd still save some money!?!? She continued to laugh as we went on our way to the office of the Air Force so, Toshay could begin her life of opportunities.

No SurPrise!

I did my usual on Friday...Pick up Toshay and went shopping...I don't have school  & she's outta school @ 12 and she doesn't work on Friday's so, she usually shops wit me!  I was getting some items for my new dog, Dallas, he's a red Min Pin and i brought him home (wit'out permission) on Thursday and I just told Bennie i found him...He ain't buyin' that!  Oh well, he needed a shirt, a collar & a tag...Tosh says she's @ home and i say, ok imma pick you up cuz i wanna go to the Ross in Vallejo and see if they have this under the sink organizer..She's like ok...I swoop her and we go to Ross...We walk right in to the fine jewelry case and i spot JUICY right away! I said, "They got some Juicy here!!?"  I said that because it was a Juicy bracelet/watch and they usually only have sunglasses (that's where i get mine from).  I look @ the bracelet and it is beau-ti-ful! One thing...That thing is $169.99 but, originally $295.00..So! Don't need it.. ain't here for that...Then, I got side tracked again by the clothes...Focus! Focus!  House stuff!  Okay.. i go to the back and there it is...The cabinet drawer organizer...It's like all the Ross' got only 1 so, i need 1 more to have 4..Anyhoo i get the thing and we out...Let's go to Ross in Vacaville & see if they have another one (since i already bought one from there)...Tosh decides she's all shopped out and chooses to stay in the car wit Dallas..I walk in focused...Unfortunately there's that damn jewelry case!  I see JUICY again!  It's another watch!  YaaaaaaaaY!  I've been looking for a watch for some time now.. I slept on then Dolce & Gabanna watches @ TJMaxx! This one is only $49.99!  That's in my budget! I'll buy it!  It was fun shopping on Fri...So, i'm up early on Sat and i'm talkin' to Derrick.. He tells me yet again that we shud go to MumMum's(my mom) Senior Dinner.  I'm like, WTH!?? Okay...I talk to the team and ask them what their input is..Dollie comes up wit an even better plan!  She says, We shud go to MumMum's dinner and then drive to NYC and then go clubbin' and then get up Sat am and go shopping and drive back Sat night! WoooooooooHooooooooo!!!  40/40 here we come!  I get on hotels.com and find us a room @ the brand new Hilton right on 35th st..So, we next to Macy's and in the heart of e'rythang! YaaaaaaaY!  So,  now i gotta spoil the surprise cuz Mommy told me that we cudn't buy tickets the day of the dinner and how am i sup'd to tell her we need 4 tix now instead of 2!? I call her and tell her that we are gonna go to her dinner and that she has jus spoiled her surprise cuz we need 4 tix to include Dollie & Nicky...She began cryin' over the phone!  "OMG Boop! Doll & Nicky!? OMG, I don't know what to say, are they really coming!?"  "Nah, Mom I jus said that for shock value! Yes, Mom! We are all booked and u have just spoiled the SURPRISE!"  For those of you that think I'm being mean, my Mom is a 'blonde' and I have to remind her that she is sometimes! I told her that i was very upset and that i wanted to surprise her but she did all that whinnin' and whinnin' about us coming to the dinner so, she got it!  So, needless to say, it was No SurPrise!

Egg Salad

I'm chillin' in da house.. You know... Got up, went to Starbucks & Raleys for a donut this am...Now..I'm sup'd to be spring cleaning..So, it was my intention to come home, and start purgin' some of these shoes i got and clean under my bathroom sink...NO motivation!  I chill..play around on facebook watch a li'l TV..Mind you, i have a midterm tomorrow and ain't studied fo' nothin'! I'm sittin on the computer and i have an epiphany!  Ben Ben said the other day that he wanted some egg salad..I want some too!  The kids can eat that when they get home from school today!  I go to da fridge, grab 8 eggs and put them on the stove..I had already texted Toshay and asked her if she was coming over today after school!? She said yes.. I can use her to help me purge.. No pro'lem.. So, she calls me and says she going to the mall to put in some app's cuz workin' in Vallejo is a huge inconvenience!  Then i hear her speaking to a girl that works @ Ross, and i'm like, you @ Ross!? She's like yeayau.. I'm like, kewl I'm on my way.. I throw my clothes back on and I'm out!  So, I get to Ross and i'm looking for new house stuff... The other day i was there and i got a firepit so we can sit on the new lawn furniture at Dusk and have a drink in front of the fire....Anyhoo-I'm perousing the housewares and i ain't findin' nothin'...I then go to kids clothes...No such luck.. Leilani needs some new slippers.. not new clothes...I then go to the boys section. Well, actually i found a pair of skinny jeans in the li'l girls section for my nephew Bishop...I text him to ask him if he'd like them.. I seent a pair for Bennie too and he already told me that skinny jeans were not for him..But, i'm tryin' to tell them that it's the new look and since they both have faux hawks it wud be appropriate!  Oh well..no response from Bishop so i put the jeans on hold...Toshay wanted to buy me some Juicy for my birthday but, i thought that was jus too much so, i told her about this dress i seent @ TJMaxx yesterday but the line was too long & i had to leave.. So, we put our stuff on hold and we get to TJMaxx.. I let Toshay drive cuz she doesn't drive a stick anymore and she says she misses it.. We get there..The dress is jus where i left it at and I grab it and I'm like, let's go...She had locked her friends keys in her car that works @ Ross and was sup'd to be back there @ 2 to help her wit AAA...She like, ok!  We make the purchase, i tell her thank you Toshay for my bd gift..As we walk outside, it is then that i realize...."Toshay!!!!  I left the eggs on at the house!!!" "OMG Mom!"  "Hurry Tosh!  We gotta go!!!!"  She asks me if i wanna drive cuz u know she ain't good at the bobbin' & weavin' like i am but, i got da Anx-i-e-ty and I know i shudn't.  I'm jus prayin' and prayin' and prayin'....I thought that i shud call 9-1-1 and have the Fire Dept go over there in case our house is up in flames...The CHP 9-1-1 lady comes on the line and I'm tellin' her my sitch...I tell her i ain't home but, I'm on my way...She says hang on Imma get Fairfield Fire Dept on the line...so, i talk to them and I told her the secret way the firefighters cud get into our house...They ask abt our dogs...Ooooooops!  Isis is a Rottweiler & she will eat tht a$$!  She asks me if they bite, I'm like i mean they have teeth!?!?  WTH u want me to say...if u don't hit one of them dogs wit the fire extinguisher or  some water and save my house!  By this time Toshay is goin' 90 and she is doin' quite well bobbin' & weavin'... She must get it from her mama!  I tell the dispatcher that i shud be home in 8 min cuz i'm appx @ the mall at this time...We comin' down the back way where u can see the back of our house.. I'm prayin' over & over the whole way.. And i don't see smoke.. Halelujah!!!  We bounce around the block and come to da front of the house...Made it in 5min...I see 5 firefighters playing cooey wit my dogs...If u don't run around to the back or take an ax to my door!!!!  Obviously they cared more about gettin' bit than seein' if everything was alright wit my house!  I run in the house and just as i expected... A thirsty pot wit boiled egg explosion!  I look around and it's egg spackle on the stove, on the sink and on the floor!  All i can think is Imma get in trouble... I'm about to lose my stay @ home privileges!!!! Ooooooo Nooooo!  I still ain't told Ping! He can jus read about it in my blog.. Sheeeeeeeit!  I ain't goin' down...The good part is, there was no fire, my pot wasn't even ruined, see that's why u buy the good stuff, from Ross tho' of course...But- now, I'm mad cuz i gotta clean up dis mess! Remember people I only clean when i have to...I got kids & I ain't read the emancipation proclamation therefore, that's how they pay their bills...But-that would just be wrong....I clean up my own egg spackle, boiled explosion and try my best to air it out....Whew! All of that cuz da filipino mentioned he wanted some egg salad...

Booked!!

So...my sister & I have booked our flights to go see our Mommy graduate from the University of Rhode Island @ Providence.  Yes, before you ask, there are black people in Rhode Island.. I don't know why people always ask me that!?!  My mother is from there. Born & raised!! 4th daughter amongst 9 other siblings.  I believe her major is Economics & her minor is African-American studies. Her goal is to be a financial advisor.  So what she gon' do?!  Teach Black people how to successfully save & plan their $?!?!? Sheeeeeeeeit!  She better stand in her own line in front da mirror cuz Lord knows my mama ain't good wit' money!  Maybe that's where I get it from :-)! Sorry Ping!  LOL!!  So, I'm mapping out dis trip and we arrive in RI on Thursday and she graduates on Sunday.  So, i tell her we gon' drive to NY on Fri.  She start poutin', talking 'bout that's the same night as her Senior Dinner.  I said, "Mom, I don't care about that! Them is ur peers!  Why u goin' anyway!?"  "Boop(me), it's like the prom!" So i say, "Good then! Cuz i don't remember bringing you to any of my proms!? Have a great time!"  So then, she starts whinning again cuz she really wants to come with us to NY but, the dinner is @ 6pm and she knows she cain't risk it.  Plus-when i took her and the kids to NY they were all too overwhelmed and messin' it up for me.. so, she can jus stay right there in RI until we come back!  I don't wanna feel rushed anyway!? So i tell her, "Look, Waseme ain't never been to NY and if you think Imma be 2 1/2 hours away from my favorite place (aside from Ross) and not go and kick it..u trippin'!"  So whah whah wha...Mom-"I'm goin'!!!!"  She didn't really like it but, she accepted it.  I been doin' some damn teenage driving since Ebony is taking her DL test on Friday. I hate this part in the teenage process.  Why can't Daddy do it!?  Oh yeayau...that'll interrupt his FULL TILT POKER time..I mean I suffer from Anx-i-e-ty and I can't be ovadosin' on Xanax cuz then I won't be alert enough to save her from killing us!  Shoot!  I don't wanna wake up dead!  We got 1 more extensive crash course tonight so, we'll see...She betta pass!!! We get up and practice from 9am-12pm...She tested...It wasn't enough.. She didn't pass...She cried...She can test again in 2 weeks...She'll do fine on the next one...

It Never Rains In Southern California....

Check it out fool!  I ain't madatcha!  My birthday weekend...Da baby Daddy didn't fail me.. Kobe was right there!?!?  He was in front of me...He was to the left of me.. He was to the right of me... He was e'rywhere.. Trevor!!!  What can i say?  Trevor is the man that Imma quit Kobe for.. I mean Kobe only got abt 5 more years left.. and I gotta have a back up!  I was in da Laker store and they ain't have no carts for all da stuff i had in my hands..Woooooow!  I wanted them to shut it down for me..Then the game was about to start and da filipino said we wud come back... When we stopped @ the BAR there was a kiosk.. and i seent a Trevor Ariza T-shirt in bright gold..I got enuff Kobe gear.. i'll jus settle for this.. It was only $22 bucks and i ain't wanna hurt dat boy pockets cuz it's only day 1.. and we goin' shoppin' 2morrow.. YaaaaaaaY!  So, Kathy's loft is absolutely stunning..I tell da filipino dat we need to give these kids up for adoption and get us a loft in Emeryville.. He says, "den we gon have to give up our earned income credit!?"  I said, "O, yeayau riiiiiiight!?!"  Nevermind!  Sat morning we wake up and we get dressed and yal know where i'm headed...ROSS!!!! MARSHALLS!!!!!  We get to da shopping center @ da North Hollywood/Burbank spinooot! and They all wanted to eat but, when i see a Ross my adrenaline starts pumpin'... So, i was full as far as my appetite was concerned...I strolled down the boulevard to Ross as they went into Fuddruckers...Illllllll..I don't like them burgers anyway...I immediately walked into to the accessories.. i'm grabbin' purses and don't know how to act..It was kewl tho...I asked for a cart and they ain't have none...So, I am buying stuff and realizing that i may not have enough dough.. I called Daddy Warbucks...Not answerin'... oh, well.. not done shopping anyway.. Saw a pair of Carlos Santana shoes.. didn't have my size.. Dammit! i think someone brought them there cuz it was only that 1 pair...Oh well.. I do my purging to cater to my budget and I'm @ the line.. and here he comes..Shooooot!  I cuda kept all my stuff... Daaaaaaaang!  He says he left his phone back at da house.. I'm like well, it was a 9-1-1 e-mer-gen-cy!  O well..Nick tried some of our lotion and was like OMG!  i gotta have some of that.. It is Korres Body Butter (Guava is the best fragrance) and it costs $27 BUT!  It is worth it.. I hope yal try it.. So, we had to head to Marshall's and then to Sephora to get the lotion... I'm tellin' u...try it.. u'll like it.. We get to Marshall's and i find this Sinful T-shirt for $19.99!  I'm soooo juiced.. he ain't even knowin'...Ben Ben cud careless.. he doesn't like to shop.. but, he's being patient wit me.. Talkin' about me to Brod(Nick) & Kathy saying look @ her.. she gotta go through everything.. look at her.. she got all that stuff in her cart and then watch what she does.. So, i try on my items and i'm like, okay Baby Daddy i think i'm don-Okaaaaay!  I'm headed to the checkout.. He cut me off and ran my cart to the line.. I had no action on getting any extras.. what a bummer! O, well..it's enough i guess.. all i really needed was that damn t-shirt anyways...So, we head to the mall.. Nick gets his lotion and i buy some more lotion and all this make up that i don't hardly wear and my Vanilla Birthday Cake lipgloss by philosophy, I recommend you girls trying that too.. it smells so good.. and we out..We go back to da loft and back down to BigWangs for some drinks...Bennie and i stole the great big ol' Budweiser cups they come in...LOL!  Then we go back to da loft, get dressed and head out to Ruth's Chris for dinner.. Bennie hadn't been there b4 and he wasn't ready for how rich dem steaks be.. YaaaaaaaaaaY!  We had a good ol' time.. It's Sunday now and we head out to leave...Burbank airport actually cared that my luggage had liquids over 3 ounces and made me check my luggage.. So, you know i'm filing a complaint with Oakland airport cuz they jus let me thru wit anythang.. I shuda packed my gun and seent if i wuda got thru!  LOL!! Whatever.. I was like OJ Simpson in a Hertz commercial.. Ben Ben was not gon' board that plane wit'out me!  I made it... since i ain't have nothin' wit me to impede on my progress getting thru secuuuuuuuurity!  We make it home and i had a wonderful time.. Thanks for a great birthday!  Well foks, instead of writing my paper that's due tomorrow.. Imma head out and do what i do best...SHOP!  Sorry honey, i'm a work in progress... I promise I'll stay within budget.. What's my budget again!?!? O!  I don't have one.. LOL!!!  My bad!

NO MO TO'uchdown!!

I heard the tragic news in football this week and I along with the rest of America was shaken to tears... It is a tragedy about Jerry Jones trading Terrell Owens!  WTF!?!  Okay, my bad I ain't tryin slight the fishermen, that is absolutely devastating and my prayers go out to their families.....However, I was jus sittin' on my island (my bed), as my sister calls it, and Derrick called for Bennie...Well, since i was watching a DVR recording, i hit previous channel to stop the recording and it went back to the ESPN chann.. It was then that i yelled to Bennie..."Bennie!!!!!  The Cowboys don' released T.O.!!!! O, that's prolly why Derrick is calling you!?"  So, i scurry back to my island and listen to the intense coverage while i shout profanities @ Bennie about my rare cowboy jersey he brought back from the game in Dallas that he & Derrick went to last November!  "I told you this jersey was bad luck!  What am I gonna do wit it now!??"  As you all should know by now, Bennie is very quiet and just lets me be my crazy ol' self.. So, i peek out the door and around to the office where you can find da filipino from the hours of 7pm (he arrives home @ 6, takes his shower and his plate is delivered to him) until around 10ish when i tell him that it's time 'go nite nite, playing full tilt poker...So, he turns and looks at me and turns right back around to the computer and continues his bidding and gambling...Uuuugh!?  I'm in this all by myself...Shuda called Derrick back but, that fool gotta leave for work @ 1:45am...so, cain't...i'll jus listen...Now.. I hear what Keyshawn is saying and he keepin' it 1 hunnet.. then i listen to what Stephen A. Smith (my hero) has to say, and he keepin it 1 hunnet and he says that Terrell is devastated cuz Jerry Jones assured him that he wasn't goin' nowhere.. and I'm just thinking to myself..Romo and that punk a$$ coach, Wade oughta be shakin' in dem boots.. cuz he said that to all of them.. Anyhoo.. I don't know how i feel..Ambiguous is a good word...Part of me knows that T.O. wasn't performing and another part of me felt like he is da sh@#! So, I ain't really decided how i feel jus yet.. I thought T.O. was a great fit in Dallas....However, you Raider Fakers need a boost.. Maybe ya boy will come back to the Bay and you can get a few wins...No ring fellas.. jus a few wins.. LOLOL!! Well, yal know i'm on my way to L.A. so, I'll holla on Sunday.. I need yal to pray for me too... Not jus cuz i'm airbourne but, that i make it back home wit Bennie...Cuz Kobe will be right dere and i will slap Vanessa, give her the peoples elbow, and tap dance on her neck to get to Kobe... Like i said yal.. Jus pray for me... Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanks!

I'm in Da Money!!

YaaaaaaaaaY!!  I finally got a settlement offer on my lawsuit...Check this out people.. I am by no means a litigious person but, on the eve of Thanksgiving 2008 I'm cookin' my greens, my pies, my whatever it is we eat... So, the filipino and I go out to get us all something to eat.. What do kids want? You know it!!  McDonalds!  So, we jump in the car and hit our friendly neighborhood Mickey D's..I'm lazy so, i go straight to the drive-thru, el hubo says, we may as well go inside cuz there's no line there.. I"m like okay.. I hit reverse and lean to the front parking lot..We walk in, order our food.. You know, the regular stuff.. Burgers, Nuggets, Fries... DRINKS!  So, he pays, they hand him the cups.. He takes half and gives me the other half...I do one drink and place it to the side...Then I place the cup to the ice dispenser and Baaaaaaaaamm! Whatchu think happened!?!  The top of the soda fountain machine don' fell on the top of my head.... As soon as it hit i said, "Ooooooooowwww!! I need a workers comp claim!  I need an incident report!"  There was a black lady in line when it happened and she's lookin' at me like, 'sista, you need a witness!?!' I'm lookin' @ her like, do you see a car?  And no!  U just want in on this!  Anyhoo..Appx 3min have elapsed and i don't see noooobotee! Finally, the black manager comes out wit a blank piece of computer paper and says, "Write your name and phone number here and our insurance carrier will get in contact with you?!"  What!?!?  Is this a blank piece of paper forreal!?! WTH!?!? Hmmmm?  I know yal trippin' cuz you see you ain't hear me say that she asked how i was, right!?!  Right!  Anyway.. I don't really get down wit this cuz I'm a former union steward and i know my rights.. And this don't look too good to me!  So, then the head manager comes out cuz that manager has customers to serve. She's a short hispanic lady and she's says, "Can u write down what happened on here and the date too!?"  Sure, I wrote, "ON NOVEMBER 26, 2008 @ APPX 9PM, I CAME INTO MCDONALDS TO BUY SOME FOOD. WHILE MAKIN MY DRINKS THE TOP OF THE SODA FOUNTAIN MACHINE FELL AND HIT ME ON THE HEAD AND IT HUUUUUUUUUUUUURTS!"  She says thank you and has the AU-DA-CI-TY...100 hunnet hours later she says, "Does it hurt, are you okay!?!"  If yal ain't fig'd it by now, I have a smart a$$ mouf!  I said, "No!?  I mean, how many people you know that would get hit upside the head with the stainless steel top of the soda fountain machine and it not hurt!?" Doofus!  She nods her head @ me and said, "Oh yea, i know!?"  So, I'm questioning her as to what's the next step in the process and why there isn't an incident report that i would get a copy of and she says, "Don't worry they'll contact you." So, I'm a clever girl.. So, just in case they acted like i ain't never give them that paper with my information on it...I get home and call them and ask them to fax it to me.. Ha!  Gotcha!  They fax it and e'rything is e'rythang!  I think nothing else of it since it's the holiday weekend...So, the weekend passes and no word...I'm out doing what i do best(shopping @ Ross) and i get a call from the insurance company...It is 12:15pm...Hurry.. Quick! Quick!  I'm barkin' wolf tickets...Sellin' it tellin' her abt my headaches, how i have an appt today and so on and so forth...She tells me to follow up with her when i'm done with treatment.. Sure, okay, no problem..I hang right up with her and dial Kaiser.. "Ummm yes, i need a same day appt for being injured in the head @ McDonald's?" "Okay ma'am lets see, it's 1:08 now, i have an appt here in Vallejo @ 1:30, can you make that?"  "Yuuuuuuuuuup!"  I walk the heyell away from my buried treasures i don' found at da Ross and hit the way way to Vallejo!  I make it.. Don't trip.. My Dr. ordered a CT-SCAN for the following day.. So, finally after Dr visits, CT-SCAN, drugs & many migraines later... I called these people today about my $$$$$$!  Yal know he tried to low-ball me @ 1st.. Then i hit 'im wit the, "I'll have to consult someone else about this matter!?"  "O, no how much do you want?  What can i offer you to get this settled today!?! I wanna hurry up and get this closed out..I can fax the settlement offer over to you and u can sign it and fax it back and i can get a check cut 2mrw!" Check?!?!??.. Hmmm.. MACBOOK...MACBOOK..."Here's my fax #!"  WooooooooooHooooooooooooo!!!  I ain't look back!  Unfortunately, do to contractual constraints I am not privy to divulge the details of the settlement offer!  LOL!!! Yal know I'm lyin'!  I jus don't want yal lookin' for me in the daytime wit a flashlight!  Deuces!